I caused a scene at my in-laws house this evening, and I'm trying to imagine the reprecussions and it absolutely frightens me. Here's how it all went down. Pidgeon's parents told us last week that they were going to have a shiur in their house in honor of his Grandparents Yahrzeit. We were told that the shiur was to begin at 7:00 p.m.
Fast forward to today, which was an anxiety filled day for pidgeon and I. We had to go to Tel Aviv as it was the last day for me to get covered by Minhal Hastudentim before they closed the budget. Since they paid for my tuition last year, I needed to bring them my transcript and a letter from Bar Ilan stating that I was continuing with courses this year. Because of the strike, it took forever to get what I needed from Bar Ilan and the next thing I know, I'm facing down the barrel of the deadline gun. So, until we met with Minhal Hastudentim and they handed me the paper I needed to get my coverage, I was a big mess. After two hours waiting for Michal, the worker in charge of my case, I was thrilled that she gave me the form for coverage this year. Next, we went upstairs to Misrad HaKlita so I could get a form in order to take free Ulpan in Jerusalem. Turns out, the only way I can do that is if I go to Jerusalem's Misrad HaKlita to get the form. Fortunately, we didn't drive all the way to Tel Aviv for that reason.
Next, we went to Dizengof Center to cash in on a wonderful wedding present we got from our Tel Aviv friends. We went to the Soho store, which I absolutely adore, and for 600 shekel walked away with a retro grabage pail for our bedroom, a set of 4 coffee mugs, a pizza slicer from Oxo, 4 mini Oxo prep bowls, and a chain wine holder (very retro and cool). Afterwards, we stopped by Comicaze for pidgeon's reading pleasure, and walked away with a couple of comics to keep my husband happy this Shabbos. Instead of heading to a Tel Aviv restaurant for lunch, we decided to eat in the food court and were regretting it a few minutes later. After bowls full of chicken and meat hamburgers with rice, pea, and potatos, we went back to the car and drove over to my bank. We had to wait an extra hour for the bank to open so I could go and change my address. I was told the only way to change my address was to go in personally.
Would you know it, but they had already changed my address since I changed my Teudat Zehut weeks ago. I was pretty furious, especially since my dollar account was mysteriously wiped out as well. We're investigating, but when we got into the car to drive back to Jerusalem I was really down.
Unfortunately, the stress got to me and I ended up picking a fight with pidgeon, which wasn't exactly the highlight of my day. Finally, we got home and I discovered an extremely rude e-mail from pidgeon's sister. Well, that was really upsetting and so I decided to do something about it.
Let me explain how I roll. If I do something wrong, and I apologize, and someone says they forgive me, I expect us to move on. What I don't do, ever, is hold a grudge or tolerate anyone else who does. So, last week, I did something that really upset pidgeon's sister. I apologized. She told me she forgave me. And then I received this e-mail and obviously she didn't forgive me. So, I called her back and she told me that she still was "confused" and "upset" by what happened. So, once again, I apologized to her but I was super upset that she was still pissed at me, especially since I thought all was water under the bridge. Then, she told me that she told EVERYONE in pidgeon's family about "what I did to hurt her" and they also "didn't understand why I would do that". I was really steamed to hear she was bad mouthing me to the family, but I tried to move past.
Pidgeon and I got dressed and raced over to his parents house, only to discover we were early and had gotten the information wrong. Well, we both thought this would be a good opportunity to bond with his parents, especially since they had been in London for a few days with pidgeon's brother and his family. I went to tell his Mother something that is going on with me, medically, and just as I was about to confide in her, she picked up her cell phone and called pidgeon's sister-in-law. Apparently, she was coming in for the weekend for a family simcha, and I felt so snubbed and slighted, that I could barely contain the tears.
I went to pidgeon's bedroom to fill him in on the situation, and told him that I was really upset about the snub and the fact that his sister bad mouthed me to the family. And suddenly, the walls were closing in on me and I couldn't breathe. I needed to get out of there, I needed to get away and try to get my head together. Fortunately, I have the most amazing husband in the world, and he agreed to leave.
And that's when I accidentally made a scene. You see, his Aunt had arrived and when she saw we were leaving she insisted on knowing why we were going. That's when his Mother caught wind of the fact that we were going, and she wanted to know why. At that point, I thought I was going to pass out from holding in my emotions, but I managed to get out of the house and onto the porch. That's when I ran right into pidgeon's other Aunt and the lecturer. He seemed like a lovely man and I felt terrible that I wasn't going to stay, but didn't say anything to let him know. I didn't want him to feel bad about anything.
His Mother called from the door and demanded to know why we were leaving. Pidgeon tried to make excuses, but they didn't seem to be buying it. I ran to the car and tried to get into the driver's side, but it was too narrow an opening. I was so desperate to leave, that I pulled open the passenger side door and climbed over the gear shift to get into the driver's seat. Pidgeon joined me a few minutes later and we left. With tears streaming down my face, I managed to get us back to our apartment and my heart didn't slow down until I was on the phone with my Mother and she was finally calming me down.
I honestly have no idea what to do know. I feel like I've embarressed pidgeon's family and I don't want to see them for a while. I just don't know how to handle being around them anymore. We've only been married for 4 months and already the integration process has hit so many bumps. How do people do this? How do people deal with the new family they've married into?
What should I do now?
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