Sunday, January 20, 2008

Patient Zero

Pidgeon named today's blog entry as it's all about him. This afternoon, Pidgeon had a surgical procedure to remove a lump on his shoulder. We had been calling it his second head  for a few weeks now, and we were both very happy when it was finally taken out.

The morning was very stressful, with the build up and anticipation of the procedure. Pidgeon and I picked up breakfast at Aroma and came back to the house so he could shower. We picked clothing that were buttoned up or zippered so that it would be easy to get in and out of it, and Pidgeon got dressed and ready to go with 30 minutes before the schedule date. I drove us to the hospital and we went to the recovery room where they checked Pidgeon in, took his stats, weighed him, and gave him a gown to change into. We were then escorted to a room where Pidgeon changed and we waited for the surgeon.

All around us, in curtained off areas, were other people recovering for their procedures. The gentelmen right next to us kept moaning, and I was worried that Pidgeon would get nervous from his pain, so I tried to distract him. We talked about the movies and ice cream we bought on Saturday night, in preparation for his recovery, and Pidgeon just laid back and held my hand, and we chatted. The surgeon finally came by and did the final check, looked at the lump, felt around, and then discussed how long the procedure was going to last. Since Pidgeon was only going with a local, no sedation necessary for my guy, he was allowed to keep his shoes on with these blue booties on top. I helped him with his hair net and even joked we should pocket some to take home while preparing food in the kitchen, and before we knew it the nurse came by to get him.

He was a male nurse and said to Pidgeon he was going to be his "Ach" for the day. Ach, in Hebrew, also means brother and Pidgeon remarked that his brother looks totally different from you, but it's nice to have a new one. I gave him a hug and a kiss, and then his new Ach took him away for surgery.

The next 30 minutes were absolutely grueling, and I've never felt this way in my entire life. The anxiety stretched like a band across my chest and I did the best I could to keep my breathing under control. I said my Tehilim, but I couldn't really concentrate after a few perakim, and so I took out Pidgeon's hand held computer and played a few games of Solitare. That didn't calm me down either and so, for 20 minutes, I just stared out of the crack on the curtain by the bed and waited for Pidgeon to come walking back through the door - post-procedure. Every time the doors opened, my heart skipped a beat and I got excited thinking it was him, but when it turned out to be someone else it just made me really scared and sad. I kept imagining that he was awake on the table, and scared and in pain and lonely, and the not knowing what was going on was the hardest part. I would have given away my entire life's savings if the surgeon would have let me in the room during the surgery, just so I could hold his hand. I just wanted to hold his hand.

Meanwhile, the room started to stink as more and more people in recovery were farting away. It was loud and smelly and almost comical if I wasn't so scared about Pidgeon. And finally, in walked the surgeon with Pidgeon's lump - all white and pink and peach - floating in a bottle that will be sent to pathology. A few minutes later, Pidgeon came walking in with a female nurse, and I felt the same way I did when he came to our badeken 5 months ago this past Saturday.  Thrilled that he came for me, love because I care about him so much, and scared shitless that I have this man in my life that I cannot ever imagine losing. 

I helped him get dressed and, after resting for a bit, we walked out together. I drove us back to his folks house and we have been resting ever since. Pidgeon indulged in some comfort food - the ice cream we got at Aldo/Max Brenner's, some chocolates and a big bowl of left over meat and barley soup. We watched Season 2 episodes of Heroes, this great movie with Christian Slater called The Quiet Man and some news. Fortunately, he isn't in any pain yet, but I have a huge bottle of Advil next to the bed just in case something happens in the middle of the night. Here's hoping tomorrow will be a much better and brighter day.

And here's wishing my Pidgeon a Refuah Shelaymah! May he never have to go through something like this every again.

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