Gossip Girl Preps for Yom Kippur

I was complaining last night to Pidgeon that I didn't feel in the right frame of mind for Yom Kippur this year. That the holiday just crept up on me. That Aseret Yemei Teshuvah was wasted on me, as I didn't get to the Kotel like I had wanted and I certainly didn't spend the time repenting, giving Tzdakah or even asking people for Mechilah. Instead, I did more of the things I've been doing all year. I gossiped (a lot), I spoke badly about people (especially members of Pidgeon's family as I've been wont to do over the past 2 years) and  I took my husband for granted (which was something I really, really try not to do since I'm so blessed to have found him in the first place).

So, it was no surprise that when we woke up at 6:30 a.m. this morning so Pidgeon could make Minyan and then the mikvah, that I was finally able to be a bit reflective. Perhaps it's because I was ashamed that last night I through a fit because I discovered our bathtub is clogged. I haven't taken a bath in months and, feeling really lousy yesterday with lack of sleep and overall pregnancy hugeness, all I wanted was to take a nice warm bubble bath. When I ran the water, and put in the bubbles for the bath, the bubbles started coming out of the drain in the bathroom floor! Pidgeon told me that I had to drain the tub and couldn't take a bath because I could flood the whole house, and I just lost it.

Just when I opened my big, fat mouth and said that all the repairs had been done in the house, this had to go and happen. I should look on the bright side - that I don't need to take a bath for at least another 10 weeks, that the baby will P"G have its own bathtub, and that at least this happened now before the baby so that we can take care of it. But, there was no rational thought going on in my mind, and I crumpled on the bed like a whiny, spoiled little brat and mewed at my misfortune for not being able to take a bath.

And then I started complaining that all I wanted was a big glass of apple juice with ice cubes in it. Don't know where that even came from, since I don't drink apple juice normally and have no idea why I suddenly needed to have a glass with ice no less - right then and there.

And that's when my darling husband looked at me, as he was trying to comfort me from the no-bath disappointment, and said that he had spent 9 hours in the office and the entire time he was just thinking about coming home to me, because seeing me and being with me makes him so happy. 

I could have cried, I just felt so terrible. I was being so selfish and not even thinking of his needs at all! He works hard all day long, then he comes home only for me to ship him out again to change some money before the rates get even lower, comes home again for a bought dinner (I had no strength whatsoever to try to cook for him) and then when all he wants to do is cuddle a little in front of his favorite TV program, I go and have a childish meltdown over not being able to take a bath.

Well, that certainly did it for me. All I needed was him to put the mirror up against my face so I could really look at myself. I see that I've been using this pregnancy as an excuse to act badly sometimes, and that's just not okay. Especially since it hurts my husband and my family. Besides all of my transgressions against G-d this year, I've done some serious man-to-man harm and for that I am very sorry.

Having a nice breakfast ready for Pidgeon when he gets home from shul this morning might not doing anything to make up for how I might have treated him badly this year, but I hope it's the step in the right direction. 

And, for all of my family, friends and acquaintances out there who read this blog. I know I haven't had a chance to call and ask for forgiveness in person, and that a status update on Facebook probably doesn't count. So, with a few hours left before Judgement Day, I ask that you all forgive me for anything I could have done to hurt, anger, or upset you this year. I can't make any promises that next year will be any better, all I can do is say that I will try. 

I will try not to be so self centered

I will try not to be so hurtful and thoughtless

I will try not to be disrespectful of your feelings and emotions

I will try to be a better friend

I will try to be better

Wishing you and your entire family a Gmar Chatimah Tovah. May you have a very easy and meaningful fast, and may all of your Tefillot be answered L'Tovah.

Official Sponsor of the War

NEWS FLASH

First official sponsor of Israel's next big war (g-d forbid) is.....Meal Mart! (Complete with logoed stickers that afix easily to soldiers helmets and armored personal carriers).

I sometimes love reading the Jerusalem Post online edition because they have some gem articles hidden on the bottom. This morning, as we woke to the fast of 17 Tammuz, I found this article about Meal Mart equipping IDF infantrymen with food packets in the event (g-d forbid) of another war.

Gotta love corporate sponsorship, already the IDF has lined up some contenders for the next (g-d forbid) war. Pidgeon and I couldn't stop laughing when we read about this for numerous reasons. First, because of all things they found wrong in the Second Lebanese War, it was that the infantry soldiers need to take with them boxes of food until supply lines could be open? Pidgeon's brother fought in the Second Lebanon War, and from what he's told us, hunger was certainly an issue but there were far greater things that needed fixing first and foremost. 

Next, we got a good chuckle because we LOVE Meal Mart foods. There is a Meal Mart on Main Street in Queens, where I'm from, and my Mom loves Meal Mart. In fact, she places a Shabbos order from them almost every single Wednesday night and my Dad picks up the food before Shabbos. Meal Mart makes some great Southern Fried Chicken, potato kugel, turkey legs (ask for those special, they're great!) and other yummy Ashkenazi traditional Shabbos fare. We're a big kugel family, and their sweet potato kugel is also yummy.

But then, Pidgeon and I got to thinking, about what all this yummy Ashkenazi food would do to Israel's soldier's intestines. And, we'd like to warn whatever future enemy might attack next (g-d forbid) that they should invest in some gas masks. Cause, if all those soldiers are gonna be chowing down on some Meal Mart chulent before battle, it's gonna get stanky! It seems like Israel's newest secret weapon is Meal Mart greasy chulent and their smelly side effects.  So beware, the flatulence a coming to get ya!

It was the Jewish fart heard round the world - that's what they'll write in History books. Just you wait!

Moving on. 

Shabbos was an affair to remember. In fact, it started with Friday afternoon's Simchat Bat that left me feeling a bit overwhelmed. I am not a big fan of big parties, never have been, never will be. I prefer small, intimate affairs. And, the Simchat Bat was just so huge and full of people who all seemed to know me even though I didn't know half of them, that I kept searching for a corner table to hid at. It didn't help that Pidgeon, g-d bless him, ditched me twice because he claims he was also scared of the guests and it was every man for himself so he found his corner first. He left me at the mercy of a table full of his first cousins. I coulda throttled him. Anyway, I finally managed to make it over to his table where there wasn't even a seat saved for me! 

As I write this, Pidgeon is protesting that he had in fact saved a seat on his left for me. Fine, he did. Granted, that seat was smack in the middle of the sun, and being 22 weeks preggo, that's not the best place for me to sit. Especially since I was wearing black, and sweating, and hungry and thirsty and needing to get off my fe fi fo fum feet. 

After Pidgeon's brother and girlfriend did some creative manuevering, I managed to sit down in a semi-shady spot and stayed there until we got up to leave. Then, I came home and cooked up a storm for first course, as we were eating both meals with Pidgeon's family. I made fettucine and  vegetables with creamy peanut sauce and steamed 3 bags of edemame. It was a big, big hit with the family! I was pleased everyone like it. The food Friday night was pretty good, the conversation however could have been better.

For some reason, Pidgeon's Mother and sister decided that the dinner table was the perfect time to talk about breast feeding. And, in particular, the state of my nipples. I prayed the floor would open and swallow me up, but it didn't. For about 15 minutes they went on and on and on about nipple erections as I tried to eat my noodles. I just nodded and smiled and looked around at Pidgeon and his brothers for help. FINALLY, Pidgeon's little brother couldn't take it anymore, and he begged for the topic to be changed. I could have kissed him, I appreciated it so much.

We decided not to sleep over at the house for Shabbos and so Pidgeon and I walked back to our apartment at Midnight. It was really nice weather and we enjoy the walk usually, but it was hard for the first time for me to walk. Once we crossed the train tracks into Baka, I was in some serious fatigue. My legs were shaking and I needed to just crawl into bed. And, the fact that I had to do this on Shabbos during the day - twice - was very scary. We managed to make it home without me collapsing and I think I passed out dressed on the bed.

When Pidgeon's alarm went off at 8:15 a.m. on Shabbos, I was in no mood to move. But, we had a 45 minute uphill climb ahead of us and Pidgeon wanted to get to the 9:30 a.m. Minyan at Chovevei so I peeled myself away from the sheets and got moving. It was hot, and not an easy walk. I packed with me a change of clothing and a big water bottle, which I finished right before I got to Pidgeon's parent's front door. The worst part was the Chovevei Hill from the Inbal hotel, as usual, but Pidgeon was kind and patient and took things at my pace. Bless him. I let him go inside the shul for Minyan and then sat for a few minutes on the bench outside drinking my water and trying to calm my heart beat down. I walked the rest of the way to his folks very, very slowly and then when I got inside the house I made a beeline for the kitchen. I was so hungry, I hadn't thought about eating anything before we left, and so I was famished! Fortunately, the kitchen was well stocked with some Kiddush food. I had some crackers and cottage cheese and then went down to Pidgeon's old bedroom and passed out.

We were finally down with Kiddush and lunch around 3:15 and, even though we were offered to stay over until after Shabbos, I wanted to get home. Our apartment has great air conditioning, and I love my bed. So, we filled the water bottle back up and began out journey. It was so, so hot outside! The streets were practically deserted until we got to Emek and we kept passing a couple of people who looked like they were in the middle of some torture walk. It was bad. We stopped a number of times under trees for some shade and so I could get some water into me. But, I hate hot water, so it was difficult to choke it down. Finally, around 4:00 p.m., we made it through the front door. 

I thought very hard about taking a shower, I was all red in the face and my body temperature was very high. Pidgeon told me to do what I needed to feel better, so I took a spray bottle and just spritzed myself good and collapsed in the AC coolness of the apartment. I woke up 3 1/2 hours later and just snoozed on and off until Shabbos ended. It was worth it. Difficult and probably not the smartest thing to do while pregnant. But definitely worth it.

Today, we're really staying around for most of the day. Pidgeon is fasting and I'm trying to at least hold out until mid- day even though the Rabbi told me that I don't have to fast. It's already 12:20 so I'm gonna eat something soon. We're hoping to go to the Kotel tonight too. I haven't been there in a while and, since it's the start of the 3 weeks, thought it couldn't hurt to head over for some praying. Meanwhile, our neighbors are hosting an Open House party tonight after the fast to celebrate their new apartment. We were invited but I declined. I don't go to parties during the 3 weeks, just not my minhag, but I'm sure we'll hear the cacaphony of noises down below.

Well, I think I'm off to break my fast. Here's wishing everyone who is fasting a very easy and meaningful one!

Shavuah Tov from Baka!

Four Cinnamon Buns and a Funeral

As I write this, the beginnings of a pressure/eye strain headache is starting to throb. I blame it partially on the lack of sleep I got last night, and this time I can't blame Pidgeon's snoring. I am back to my insomnia days of yore, and it's not fun. We went to the gym after 6:00 p.m. last night, had a really great workout, and that just got me wired for a few hours! Plus, I got it in my head that I needed to watch the Oscars, but since there is no TV in the bedroom I tried desperately to watch what I could online. I tuned into the E! red carpet webcast but everything stopped as soon as the actual awards show started. I ended up passing out at 4:30 a.m. from the sheer frustration of not knowing who won what award. And, of course, I was disappointed with the winners when I awoke this morning. I couldn't believe I lost precious sleep for No Country For Old Men.  What a waste of some good shut eye.

It has been a really nice couple of days, and I'm thrilled that I was able to spend some time with my friends visiting Israel.

Thursday

The workers were back and trying to fix the problem with our AC/Heating unit. After numerous hours running back and forth, and back and forth, they came to the same conclusion we've known about all along and then they tried to bypass putting in a new cable by jerry rigging a loose wire to serve as the cable. It worked for 30 minutes, until I shut off the unit and plugged in my hand mixer. That's when the AC/Heating unit fuse blew. The thing wasn't even on people. Go figure. I managed to bake my snowdrop brownies though, an amazing recipe I got off of Epicurious for Kiddush on Shabbos. Pidgeon spent the day taking a Government test and, when he got home 7 hours later, was thoroughly exhausted. But, since we made plans with my friends, we rallied and met them on Emek Refaim for dinner at Marvad. The food was great, the company was even better, and we all had a really nice time. Afterwards, we walked the group down to Aldo for some Parve chocolate ice cream, and the Pidgeon and I went back to the apartment to pass out. We had an early morning on Friday, so we knew we had to get to bed early.

Friday

We woke up with 30 minutes to get dressed and out the door to the Kotel. The weather was absolutely AMAZING, beautiful sunshine, cloudless blue skies and warm temperatures. We parked in the Rova and then we walked through towards the Kotel. While passing the Rova square, we ran right into Marns and Rachel, who were on their way back from davening. We chatted briefly and made plans for us to visit them at the hotel that night, and then we parted ways. It was nice to run into them and I liked how happy it made me feel. We met Pidgeon's family at the Kotel and watched as his second cousin put Tefillin on for the first time. I went into the woman's section to daven but couldn't get up to the wall as there were two huge groups of women from India (not Jewish) and Ethiopia (Jewish) crowding the area. I was content hanging out in the back and praying. At some point, a woman came by asking for money, and Pidgeon's Aunt declared that it was illegal to panhandle at the Kotel. I gave her money anyway, illegal or not. We emptied out our Tzedaka box that morning and I had the money on me for that very reason. I don't care when they ask me for money - or where for that matter - if I have it, I'm going to give it to them. After davening, we walked back to the car (of Pidgeon practically pushed me to the car as the steps back up from the Kotel are really hard on me since I'm so out of shape) and drove to the breakfast at Shmil's, a breakfast/coffee place on Derech Chevron. The place was pretty cool, actually, and we were all absolutely starving. The food was decent, although I thought the eggs were a bit undercooked for my taste, but since we were so hungry we just wolfed it all down anyway. We hung out with the family some more, and then went back to the apartment to get ready for Shabbos. All of the cooking was already done and so we just got ready, relaxed and went to Pidgeon's parents for the weekend.  I passed on joining Pidgeon and his brother at shul on Friday night in order to read his Mom's current issues of Hello, Harper's Bazaar and Vogue and when they returned we had a really nice dinner. Before I knew it, the time was 9:45 p.m. and we had to rush to get to the hotel to see Marns and crew. We made it there by 10:05 p.m. and stayed for a few minutes. The group decided to play a few rounds of Taboo and since the only game I slay at is Trivia Pursuit's Pop Culture Edition, I took a pass at participating. My friend Jeff was also there, so we caught up a bit and invited him back to Pidgeon's parents house for kiddush the following morning. Exhausted, and feeling a bit queasy from the undercooked eggs at Shmil's, we walked back home so I could rest. 

Shabbos

I was feeling lousy, as Shmil's food had me sick for most of the night, and so I slept through davening. I pulled myself out of bed and got the house ready for our Kiddush guests. Unfortunately, my American friends didn't make it, but Jeff and Pidgeon's cousins joined us. We had a nice time and, since the weather was so nice, decided to push off lunch and take the dog for a nice, long walk. The walk was great and then we took a nap before lunch, which we didn't start until almost 4:00 p.m.! After lunch, we went back to bed, and the next thing we knew Shabbos was over. They go by so fast sometimes! We decided to stay in and not go to any of the parties we were invited to since I was still feeling a bit queasy. We also never heard from my American friends, so I assumed they decided to do a group thing and our presence would  have been inappropriate. Pidgeon and I watched a movie on TV and then we went to bed.

Sunday

Pidgeon woke up early and ran to a Dr's appointment while I languished in some more sleep. I knew we had a busy day, but didn't want to have to face it so early. I still hadn't heard from Marns, so I just assumed she was busy and didn't try to reach her. Pidgeon returned from his appointment and we came back to the apartment to do some work. I was feeling a little down and so I spent a few hours just watching some TV. I kept thinking about the hotel on Friday night, and how they had all this junk food laid out for the group. There were bags of popcorn and boxes of cinnamon buns. I just kept thinking how eating the cinnamon buns could be the end of me, 4 cinnamon buns and a funeral, and it was a very upsetting thought. 

For those who knew me in 2004, I was diagnosed with condition known as Pseudotumor Cerebri, which is basically a build up of spinal fluid in the brain. The body, for some reason, doesn't drain this extra fluid and so the result is pressure on the brain and optic nerve. If untreated, PTC could lead to blindness and in some extreme cases, death. The Dr.'s say that the condition primarily affects women of childbearing age who are overweight. Yup, that's me, a woman of child bearing age who is overweight. The diagnoses was miserable, and the spinal taps I had to endure were grueling (spinal tap headaches are wicked). Fortunately for me, after diagnoses, I responded extremely well to the medication and lost weight. I was put into remission 6 months after diagnoses and had been in remission for the past 3 years. Until this past week, as a result of the 20 pounds I've put on since our wedding this summer. The pressure headaches are really rough, pushing around my eyes to the point where I think they're going to pop out of my skull. My vision has been off too, and that's the scariest thing, as sometimes I worry about my driving. But, the short term memory loss is perhaps the most frustrating and upsetting aspect of the condition. I asked Pidgeon the same question 3 times on Thursday night, and I honestly didn't remember his answer. With Alzheimer's in my family, and having had to witness my Grandfather dealing with this terrible condition, it takes memory loss to a new level. I'm feeling so much stress now having to lose the weight that I've stopped sleeping. Pidgeon's been really supportive and helpful, and so we agreed to go to the gym after his dentist appointment yesterday. It was the best thing we've done in a long time, as the workout made me feel so much better and helped me face this long road I have ahead of me. I just pray that I'll have the self control to stick to a diet. And, for me, it's no longer about looking good or being attractive. It's about the basic joys of life, because the thought of not being able to watch Pidgeon sleeping, or to see his beautiful smile and watch him do his little goofy dancing, would be my own personal tragedy.

Today

I didn't get much sleep last night and Pidgeon got me up and out of the apartment fairly early. We're spending the morning working, and the afternoon relaxing and getting ready for the week. I have school bright and early tomorrow morning, which I'm looking forward to, and Pidgeon is gearing up for another Final at the end of the week. I can't wait for his tests to be over, hopefully we'll be able to relax a bit and get ready for Purim and our trip to the States this Pesach!

Well, I'm off to do the laundry before we have to hit the road again!