Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Monday Revelations

Today was a rough day, really rough. It's ending finally, and I'm looking forward to shutting the lights and going to bed. Tomorrow is another day and I'm just hoping it will be a better one.
The situation with our apartment is getting very frustrating and I'm starting to feel tremendous pressure being stuck between my folks (owner of the apartment) and everyone else involved in the maintenance/fixing. As you know, we have had no heat now for 6+ weeks. Today was another freak snow storm that covered the area, and it was really, really cold. The workers came by to assess the situation and try to fix the problem, and they were here for 3+ hours. 

The workers are Arabs, and they treated me terribly. First, they yelled at me to open the downstairs door for them when I wasn't fast enough on the buzzer. I told him that I wasn't going to let him up if this was the way he was going to talk to me. Well, that just set the tone for the whole work visit. He walked in with another worker and they both refused to speak with me. They only wanted to talk to Pidgeon, who was in the other room davening. Well, I was not having any of this not-dealing-with-women bullshit, so I started screaming. Fortunately, my level headed husband came out and took over the situation. After the 3 hour experience, they determined exactly what the other workers determined, and decided to take a piece home to try to get it fixed. Well, that just sent my parents into a rage because they didn't want them to take anything out of the apartment. I was suddenly at fault and feeling the pressure as my parents anger grew. I wasn't pleased and I tried to do what I could to get the piece back, but to no avail. I felt bad that my parents were mad and felt even worse because here I thought I was doing all I could to help fix the situation.

The afternoon was just dreary after that and I decided to make a split pea soup to cheer myself up. Only, I think there was a lot of soap residue on the bottom of the pot, because when I went to blend the soup a big frothy mess of soap bubbled to the top. Pidgeon insisted that it was still good, and I couldn't taste anything out of the ordinary, so we both ate it for dinner.

I decided it was time to try to catch up with my friends and called a friend I haven't spoken to in a really long time. The conversation was fine at first, we exchanged pleasantries, and then she abruptly ended the call and hung up. I felt really slighted and confused as to why she had to suddenly just check out of the call. And, it made me realize something that I've been trying to ignore for quite some time now.

I moved here a year and a half ago. When I left the States, I was a single gal with a career and lots of friends and roots in New York. And now, I'm married, with a career that I'm trying desperately to hold on to 6,000 miles away from New York, and trying to set down roots in this Country. I'm in limbo with everything other than a soul mate right now and it's very disturbing. I'm neither here nor there. I'm no longer in New York, so a lot of my friends have started to phase me out of their lives. My clients have also left me, except for 2, and my work colleagues have written me off. Aside from a handful of good friends and my family, it's almost like I never existed in New York at all. Meanwhile, here I am in Jerusalem, nary a friend, a new family I'm still trying desperately to fit in to, and school that has suddenly become a top priority and the looming deadline to hand in my thesis is extremely overwhelming. And, I've gained 20 pounds and I feel bad about myself. The problem is, I just don't know which part of my life to try to tackle first. Do I try to make friends? Do I ignore everything else and just concentrate on school? What about the clients I'm still trying to work with? We need every penny I can get since we're both not working and on a serious budget. And I have a sister-in-law and brother-in-law who don't even say hello to me when they walk into a room, and the snub makes me want to pack Pidgeon in a suitcase and highjack him to the States. I don't know why some members of Pidgeon's family doesn't like me, but I really do all I can to be nice, so I'm just extremely confused and hurt. 

The good news is that my phone number is back, thanks to my amazing VOIP company US VoiceLink so I am thankful about that. I truly need my American cell phone for more than just getting insulted by my old friends in the States. 

Pidgeon is off to school tomorrow and I'm hoping the sun will come out and dry this place up. I decided to spend the morning doing some writing for school, the early afternoon running some of my errands, and the evening we have a birthday party for Pidgeon's cousin. Since Pidgeon has a big Government final on Thursday, I'm hoping we'll have time after the party to take a walk to relieve some of this stress, and then just gear up for another day. Thursday is going to be busy as I have to take Pidgeon to his test and clean the apartment for Shabbos. At least I don't have to do any cooking this weekend, which will be nice, since we're eating at Pidgeon's parents house.

I think I'm going to try and watch an episode of How I Met Your Mother on Sidereel before I try to get some sleep. Hopefully it will be funny enough to turn my mood upside down. 

Erev Tov from Jerusalem. 

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